You know what? Fuck it. Let’s go back to 19th century rules. We’ll have open unlimited immigration, but in a very annoying fashion.

First, we’ll reopen and expand the Ellis Island facility. We’ll let anyone without a serious criminal record in, but all immigrants have to go through Ellis Island.

Second, no more plane travel. That’s just too damn easy. You have to come here by boat. And we’ll require they be slow boats that take at least a month to cross the ocean. Also we’ll set a minimum ticket price to whatever the inflation-adjusted value of a steerage ticket was on a passenger liner c. 1910.

We’ll turn immigration from a criminally regulated matter into what amounts to an international hazing ritual. We’ll let anyone who wants in, but you got to prove you really want it by putting up with a whole lot of pointless bullshit first.

Live in Ciudad Juarez and want to move to El Paso? Nah, you’re not just going to be able to walk across the border. You’re going to have to haul your ass down Vera Cruz, book a ticket on a boat, and then spend at least a month fucking around on the ocean until you get to NYC. Then you’ll be let in and can go live in El Paso if you want.

My ancestors came here during the time of open immigration, but they also had to put up with a lot shit in order to do so. We’ll make immigration like joining a fraternity or sorority. We’ll let you in, but we’re going to make you put up with a bunch of pointless and arbitrary crap first.

You have to select “prime eligible” items. Are these penny ebooks included in the minimum purchase total?

It’s what I call the Rapiscan systems

https://www.rapiscansystems.com/en/

I just call them the rape scanners.

My biggest pet peeve about the TSA is how they get all annoyed if you don’t know what randomly selected procedures they’ll be using today.

The TSA deliberately randomizes its security procedures. Different airports use different procedures, and the same airport uses different procedures at random. Sometimes you need to take your laptop out of your bag; sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you need to take off your shoes; sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you can just use the metal detector, sometimes they want you to use the rape scanner.

Which is fine I suppose; it makes sense to leave potential threats guessing. But the real problem is the attitude of the TSA agents themselves. It’s not just that they randomly select procedures; it’s that they get angry about it. Start taking off your shoes out of habit at a TSA line that today doesn’t require it? A community college dropout will soon be by, screaming at you for daring to take your shoes off in line. Start taking your laptop out when they’ve decided that today is a day for leaving it in? Some guy that couldn’t even meet the low bar of becoming a regular police officer will be in your face about it within seconds.