Mall of America still exists. Which…is weird to me, but also I want to go.

I mean…has your grandma been alive since before 1776?

Nah. Gotta shorten it. Just abbriviate it, and help me with these white sheets. We need to maks ghost costumes.

Because the British know that one day they’ll be back. Kiss the crown, motherfuckers!!!

Aw man…I’m just a broke middle aged white guy…

How’s the rest of your body doing?

Just answer every phone call with “Hello, this is ham.” And then onwards, every single sentence you say…is about ham. But also completely unhelpful to the conversation.

“Well, Hello Mr Ham. I’m just calling today to let you know about this great oppertunity from our next presidident, Donald Trump.”

“Ham is sometimes salty”

“Uhhhh…Well, Mr Trump is seeking donations from real american patriots like yourself”

“Give me ham.”

“Ham?”

“HAM!!!”

“I don’t understand, are you saying Ham, like the food?”

“ALL THE HAM IN MY MOUTH!!!”

“Ok…we can get you some ham. We just need a donation of $50.00 today.”

“Ham runs all my descisions.”

“I…don’t understand.”

“Yes, this is ham. Can I cheese you? Right in the ham?”

“Are you ok?”

“Ham.”

This should preferably go on for 10 hours.

Only 37 more years until he has that down payment.

You’re right. It’s not healthy to profit so much from corporations greed.

Therefore, it’s only right that you sell me your house for $1

My moon base is not gaining ANY land value…

WE’RE BRINGING THE BIG ENERGY!!!

What’s wrong with just throwing MP3s on an SD card, or hard drive?

Edit: Love how I have 4 upvotes, 4 downvotes. So a pretty divicive statement I’ve made. Yet nobody has told me why mp3s on local storage is or is not a solution for self hosting music. No opinions shared, other than angry arrows in both directions.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

That’s a terrible romcom.

“She was a Mac user, listening to The Beatles on her iPhone. He was a Linux user…probably using one of those custom modular built cell phones with an open kernal or something. This Holiday season, watch cultures clash as two different technology mindsets clash. When governments threaten to censor pornography in their state during the stressful holiday season, they turn to each other for support and, they fall in love! Courtney Cox, and Jerry Lewis star in…Different Worlds!”

I wouldn’t watch that.

It’s my time…

BOW TO YOUR MASTERS, AND SUCK OUR DICK!!!

I remember 10 years ago looking at a calculator app in the android app store, and seeing the permissions. And thinking “WHY THE FUCK DOES A CALCULATOR NEED MY LOCATION, AND ACCESS TO MY PHONE CONTACTS???”

Fuck THAT.

I like how lemon juice straight to the eyes is only problematic in your mind because other people might mistake it for something EVEN WORSE!

I still say it should be legal to carry a bottle of lemon juice, and a tiny squirt gun. They start singing, with their mouth wide open, singing horribly, that when you squirt them. Right in the eyes.

He’s not going to die of stickyness, and you don’t even know if he’s an organ donor!

…I DO live in Ohio…and not that good at video games. All the women I know have different names. I feel like I’m missing a reference with that, unless you ARE referencing the Oblongs, in which case bravo. There was one white dude with a beard, no glasses, but he didn’t show. No mean people.

I’d love some pro friends. Got any that live near Cleveland?

Doesn’t so much make me feel better, it just makes me want to hug you.