I’ve had my days with Siri and Google Assistant. While they have the ability to control your devices, they cannot be customized and inherently rely on cloud services. In hopes of learning something new and having something cool I could use in my life, I decided I want better. The premises are simple: I want my new assistant to be sassy and sarcastic. I want everything running local. No exceptions. There is no reason for my coffee machine downstairs to talk to a server on the other side of the country.